HE DON'T NOE ANYTHING ...
Thursday, August 2, 2007 @ 8:22 AM
Forget about the sweet moment...My heart totally pierced....U juz stab it un-noticely..and even dig the hole bigger and sprinkle salt on it........SHIT.U dunoe it coz I'll smile even I'm sad or angry..
Convo wif he ... hope I remember correctly...
He: 3 impt things in my life, family, gf and frenz
He: But I treat my god sis as part of my family...
I : HUH?WHAT?*shock* (tell me is nt true pls...maybe he's tired..)
He: God sis and I share thru thicks and thins..we R like family...
I: Oh izzit? *smile bitterly* ( den i'm nt impt den his god sis? Shit..)
He: Dun be jealous if my god sis got prob and I rush to her..
I: Huh..?y...( ur so-call include god sis into ur family is more more impt den me?)
I: If ur god sis & I same time have prob...hu u rush to there first?( angry..)
He: No such thing like both will happen at the same time..
I:What if there is?Just tell me! (impatient..)
He: *In dilemma* settle urs den to her...
I:... ... smile, nod..thru-out journey to mrt..(so ..god sis is more impt den gf???...)
***How do u feel if u were me?***
I happy tt he put his family first...den me...but...his god sis are much more valued den me...what am I to him? A 'label' as GF? I does not consider as his family?(he nv includes me into it..)... man..i treat him as my family, love him like i love my family...and no one else...
I lost much much secureness from He but gain minor trust frm He... coz...he tell me frankly...tis is the only thing worth to praise He..I will have doubt if he really love me depth of his heart...( if i does nt consider in his family..) I need secure...but is fading every moment..
He walk me to MRT..STILL haven notice anything strange..smile,nod,yes/no,oh?yea..all the way of replying him...until...when my MRT comes I drop him a pathetic hint...
I:"Evaluate U so U will change better..I guess not.."
He:"How U noe I will not change?"
I:"Coz U already says it..earlier on.."
Ans: How can I change you that makes mi impt DEN ur god sis...U already emphasize tt firstly wif confident..tell you one thing...GF and God sis cant be in equally position...
***Guys...got it? twist and turn does the trick..***
When thinking of what He say...when going back home alone...I nearly ran onto a speeding car on road, bicycle on path...and nearly trip myself over...Exerggarating? No..I won't. I get so distracted easily + my reaction will run slow.
Stupid MP4..keep on playing sad songs(shan hu hai,Unfaithful...)..make my mood even worst..heart jus feel pain...got home...force a smile infront of my family and walk cheerfully to bathe..washing my gi for 2 hours..using my tt thing to wash...mommy think something happen to me...when she came in the bathrm...i quickly cover my eyes den rubbing...'Mummy..I think kor infected sore eyes to me' haha...blame the fault on my brothers...hu noes? only me and 'it' noes...
I'm tired..only eaten a meal todae..i dun feel like eating anymore...for tml...i dun feel hungry...I can't feel myself..pain is numb..but it will come back...can u erase my pain? hopefully can...
Yes yes...I'm a imature, over sensitive, girl....BUT at least I never throw my anger on him...well..how pathetic are me...he dun appreciate what I offered him...what can I do?
I'm sicki it...real sicki...cold...tired..not hungry anymore...feel like vomiting now....sleepy...