Is 12:00am now and is CHRISTMAS EVE! Did a really last shopping @ IMM todae to prepare a very small gifts for frenz,spent my last savings into this...haha...really bo money le!..

Be4 shopping I was having breakfast wif mama,den I after tt gone toilet,In the toilet, I suddenly collaspe to the toilet bowl,I cant stand up,I gonna faint.., I was so scared, I deciding whether to call for help ornot,I'm alone, everything slowly turn black, and I cant heard properly, limbs gone cold and numb...But I very used to this symtom since in primary sch, Low blood pressure..it suddenly attack me like tt...WTF,last time heart, now blood, think something gone wrong in my body.Mum's so worried abt mi, after I regain conscious, I feel weakened, reaction even slower den usual...anyway, I'm alright now..=)

Tis yr christmas gonna spent it wif frenz! Anyway haziq return to sg todae! hopes he rmb to gimme lots of chewing gums as a gift, no, not as christmas gift

First thing, meeting ah pa tml... dunnoe wat to do tml?? At night, gona go to Edith's christmas musical! haha cant wait to c! Christmas will be paying my visit to syai as he gotta fever..poor thing...hope he recovers okay..I noe for sure...a remedy to make him recover...but I nt gonna reveal....hehe* Christmas, Christmas, Christmas...I wanna have a wonderful dinner...erm...tt is what I want...and my Christmas wish is ... ...

I have a feeling tt I will be having a best Christmas I ever had in my life! I really awaits!





Wee~ todae spent whole day wif ahPa! meet him at cck 1pm den we go watch "Alvin and Chipmonk" Finally watch this movie! be4 movie we go LJS to eat something. Anyway the movie is niceee! I'm glad I watch it!...and...someone willing to watch wif mi! thx ahPa!

After movie, went to vivo city as ahPa wanna visit his bro doing part time there! Saw his bro working as a supervisor~ a remark...his bro 97% dun look like ahPa lor! After going to toy'r'us, we take bus 145 go telok bangka to play pool...ahPa trash me like dunnoe wat, den I trash him in the last game,anyway nice game, I addicting to playing pool liaoz...OMG.., so nice,ahPa's treat! After pool, we take bus go back vivo to makan our dinner, back to his bro's working resturant there to take dinner, haha! ahPa's treat again! Woots~thx!


After dinner, we chat and chat and wait for his bro to get ready to go home, wait for him till 9pm...den we 3 go take bus and go back the safra there to play pool again...WAH LAO...His bro damn pro lei...even me and ahPa team up, his genna trash by his bro....pro sia...can't believe! I have to work on my pool skill liaoz! haha...anyway todae very happy! REALLY THX ALOT JP AH PA for making my day smile!U ROX!

I so tired now...ahahaha..





New blog skin! hahas...using 10 min to change everything...a new start! so bored nowadaes... anyway ppl booking me, muz be first to book me out k?haha...tml cant go faiz hse coz meeting godfather... haha sry arh!

haha victor kor kor keep asking me go out...sorry arh..I really very lazy todae... I wanna go out...but feeling lazy...how ironic! Time to go shopping for christmas P ... after tt go bloke all the way!... have to work for money again....sigh* OMG...I still haven prepare a shopping list...guess everything is last min =.='''

Okay, guess my christmas eve and christmas will be very busy for me! wif beloved frenz! haha....nxt few daes will be quite bz going out liaoz! anyway..I love being so carefree now! no nagging, no restriction! no insecure! I'm happier the way I am now!WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!





DEC 17 : Start of making my 100% own teddy bear ! ! !

Finally sew finish!This is the other side

When flip over! teddy's head!

Ears are the easiest and fasted part to sew...!

For the arms, is one of the toughest to sew too...but I can manage it!

The torso is easy!

Legs is one of the toughest part ! quit confusing..haha..but fun to sew!

FINISHED SEWING! TOOK 9 hours to do it!

Further procedure(HOPEFULLY): 19 DEC, Stuff cotton/Heart, close all opening

20 DEC, sewing features attaching on head

21 DEC, Arms & Leg attachment

22 DEC, Final touch up!(accessories and claw mark)

24 DEC, Announced Official Birth date of teddy bear

25 DEC, gif to someone special if not, myself den...

New blog theme song! Simply love this! very engergetic song by m-flo!

Play Darkness and Light online wif bro... tis game is very similar like dota..but DAL is far MORE CHIO lor... Tried DAL, strategic game is damn nice =X but when play DAL..my bro keep saying I too slow in planning liaoz,tt's why I keep dying..okay..muz work on my slowness frm here... haha gonna try to play more new online game bah...anyway..wanting to play cabal online and RO2 online...cant wait to try them!


mummy behave so biased on mi and big bro... her beloved second son make her so happy... cant stand it... anyway i dun care la... study hard, make more money she may be happy too... haha...okay me on the process of making my own teddy bear...I have finished tracing and cutting it to the shapes liaoz.. juz tt... I wonder who should I gif tis DIY teddy bear to, when I'm done... big bro say gif it to my bestest best frenz in life, since I use alot of effort in making it...tt person muz be somehow worth it... but still...who??? hmmm...

mummy's nt preparing dinner..haha can eat outside tonite! wooohoooo!
gonna shopping soon for christmas present!!! =S





Okay...I so irritated that my mum going hong kong disney wif her beloved son ... she is so happy, I really envy her! how mean could she be, leaving mi alone in spore..and wtf...have to tend the household chore like siao char bo....

anyway I quitted my part time job le...so carefree now!

Hope Godfather can go genting wif me... now waiting for his confirmation by christmas,he still deciding, if nt ar... genting trip realli will be cancelled liaoz... without frenz in genting can killed me off de lah...at least..he is willing to go wif me.... =)

Hope Godfather can go genting wif me! *crossed finger*





Hmmm... thinking about genting trip...if no ones wanting to go wif mi... I rather skip ... nowadaes simply no mood...I thinking bout my favourite place again...how i wish to go there... c it flying and landing... so comfortable, even I go wif frenz, I have to find a right company if not it will really spoils the mood. best if can go alone, ironic to say, I dun like to go alone since I'm nt moody... I dunnoe! I so confused now! Is holiday and I dunnoe wat to do! T.T

Anyway, christmas coming... I dunnoe how should I spent my christmas wif? alone? wif frenz? There is one place which is my favourite place to go on christmas eve.. and hopefully I can spent overnight there wif someone special.. but hu will be tt someone special? or maybe alone...? I wanting to watch movie ,alvin and the chipmonk,I am legend, the golden compass, but I simply cant find anyone to go wif me... saddist sia...sometimes I even envy ppl who go movie together... think no one wants to go wif me, I'm such a boring person...


Pain...having headach and slight fever every night, and I dunnoe why does it happen during night? Although my sleeping time getting early, but I juz cant get myself to sleep becoz of the pain in my head,whenever I'm laying on bed, I have to convince myself to be xtra tired even I'm not, to fall asleep easily,even applying medicated oil and banging my head onto my pillow does not help reducing the pain... pls, hope nth serious, last time is heart now is head....*cross finger*
juz to keep record here having it 4 nights in a row up till now....='(

my heart speaks:
y I so happy? laugh,fun laughter. cravings. missing it.when is the time?waiting for it. Impossible.wanting it.envy.thinking of it.need it.singing.pain.headache.when will u tell me?feels of u.irritated&pissed off.happy wif it.heard your words.thankyou.

Thank you, I noe u make my dae smile although I am angry wif u and u say u r mad at me... becoz of small matters or misunderstanding,tt's y I say I hate using msn to communicate!although u r very busy, I noe u try to chip in time to checkout and this realli helps to kill my boredom.When I'm alone in tis world, my world nearly cracks, u nv leave me behind, u even tell mi to wipe away my tears. You have help me to puck out the sharp thorns on my body even if it pricks ur fingers... I wanna say a BIG THANK TO YOU! =) A realli true frenz u r! cool guy! luv ya! do take care okay!=x





HOLIDAY STARTS!!!!! WOHOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Today no mood to do work! coz tml is holiday liaoz! so happy! today RP agora hall there got some gaming compettion going on! wow! people are so pro there, if I play with them, I sure kena die many times,anyway saw haziq there being marshall or referee or something like lampost there...den the guys tryout some games there! awww! damn nice!

Awhile later play pool wif peiqi and haziq...ASS LA...haziq so pro! mi and peiqi cant even win him! I keep missing my hits! arrrgh! muz train on my pool liaoz! working in the library today, and it is so damn difficult to concentrate coz too many distraction, but anyway, ironic to say... I prefer library than classroom!

ANYWAY Happy Birthday to DORINDA, yesterdae is her BDAE! erm...23 liaoz hor! OPPS...is 22! JKJK!!!


GENTING TRIP !!!
People WHO I have ASKED to go genting wif me on 1st of Jan can confirm with me be4 christmas???

The pricing and everything will be confirmed by tml or something.

If no one's going wif me, me will be going wif mum and she will leave me there alone to play wif myself T.T ... so pls pls! confirm with me ASAP hor ppl!










Freaking pissed off by everything today and cannot get things done, toally no mood for enterprise UT and enterprise module today, in the end have to skip class gone library wif the guys to play game until 5pm+ den go and buy dinner for the family.

Kor is back frm army camp! miss him much much! finally kor can dance wif mi in hs5 lor!


"Trust" is a word which u 100% completely trust tt person and u dun bother whether he/she will betrayed u... but how can we trust ppl so easily? getting so much betrayed as my experience... can I gain back trust frm people again? "Trust" for me is still a very difficult word to define...


I seems to lost the real me and simply searching for the real me... help!





Today went mac wif vern,haziq,peiqi,ahmad, shengyao and joanne ... wow... is vern's treat! A BIG THANK YOU TO U! anyway, wait for haziq for very long la...he TORTOISE SEH... slow...always late..confirm wan...

reach sch at meeting 2 ... but manage to handle the problem today wif the help of sandi! Okay... maths todae is not very difficult...ahahaha! good! BIG THANK YOU TO SANDI!!!

After class, follow haziq,shengyao,ahmad,kat,peiqi @ library to play pool wif or maths fasi... den me and peiqi feel very bored so we go play pool ourselves...haha my first game ever... my hit keep on missing until fasi come, my dex suddenly become accurate...den tyco win the game....haha! after tt, the guys left, play another round of pool wif fasi, me and PQ vs fasi...haha of course we lose lor..but is GG!

Anyway... I juz hate ppl who wun appreciate ppl hu offered help... cant stand, nvm, I say liaoz..i dun wanna tok to u..okay? shut up! pissing me off again and again... u think wat? I very pissed off by u now and dun wanna tok to u....GOT IT???


Okie...I so fed up now, because of HIS FAULT .. have to go study UT now!





(11:21 AM) Sleeply Man walk: conflict liao is it?

(11:21 AM) Xi✯O JinG ™: ?

(11:22 AM) Sleeply Man walk: with sandi is it....

(11:22 AM) Xi✯O JinG ™: aiya gd conflict

(11:22 AM) Sleeply Man walk: hahahaha

(11:22 AM) Sleeply Man walk: die liao

(11:22 AM) Xi✯O JinG ™: y say like tt? i dun mind working wif her

(11:23 AM) Sleeply Man walk: .... ook ....


This is the original short convo wif him, and is purely copy and paste from the chat log window, the only thing I change will be the "sad" to "say" becoz of typo, the colour fonts , and the font size and bold of the word "die liao". Other than that, everything here is purely orignal



Seriously, what is the matter wif you? suddenly msn me like that?
And is during meeting 2???(proof: time of the chat) Your tone sounds very provoking you noe? In the first place you demoralizing me/my team? I say I having good conflict wif her becoz me and her are stubborn ppl, we have lotsa of ideas and eager to contribute and we think that our idea is the best, tt's why we arrive in a good conflict.

Ppl who noe me well, noes that I always having good conflict wif her whenever I team wif her,plus she say that she likes to team wif me, if u dun believe me,go ask her lah!bodo!Plus you never learn in semester 1 cognitive meh? there is gd and bad conflict, is very recommend to have gd conflict in teams, so as to generate new/gd ideas ...blah blah blah...

I swear I nv discriminate her...not like YOU ... What is the meaning of " die liao" ? This really pissed me off, this shows that you are imature which you cant work well with her.

And for your own info, my team although left 3 ppl, we really make good effort in presentation, it went off very very well. Not like people who run off or go MIA @ meeting 2, ard 12:20pm plus, even though the faci haven even go to ur team for team discussion, and come back around 2pm to so-call "help" your team. Not only for today,you done tt to ur other team and diff module many times liaoz!

What is the attitude of this? Ppl are so right about you, you are so smoky, always smoke ur way thru...giving lame excuses like u r bz, bz still can help wat? If you today nv demoralize me, I will keep quiet about this, but u simply have too much loophole to catch on, and by looking back at the chat log wif you REALLY PISSED ME OFF ...


WTF... I looking forward to have a gd term as normal frenz wif u, now u pronouncing war wif me? I dun care, if u not happy, I can welcome to have any bad conflict wif u, but mind u, do noe where u stand.. pls do some reflection of wat u said on the above chat log, the evidence is there, you cannot denied it... even if u wan a more solid concrete evidence I can show to everyone instantly by logging into my msn and check the msn chat log. I'm not simple minded, even I wanna complaint, I will use PROOF OR EVIDENCE.


PS: Looking for frenz to go genting wif me around JAN...? =)






10 of december is a day to mark the end of my r/s... and my life still goes on, think this is the best way for both of us be happy, no more worries for u and no more sadness for us, missing a person in life is miserable for us right now, but, soon as time passes, we forgive and forget...so, live our life to the fullest! anyway, I think u muz be hating me now, I dun blame u...becoz is all my fault for being like tis, let bygone be bygone... =)


xiaojing! from now on u have to be a more independent and strong girl! and I noe I have level up le...! and from now on... ... I must try to doubt ppl and not easily believe them, I will confined my secrets or things to myself and the closest ppl, becoz I dun wanna have things become misunderstanding or coz any troubled... I cant trust ppl so easily now... lesson to be learnt! wat if I have my secrets told to ppl and having them to be spread around or revealed in a indirect ways?...I will not get fooled again... I promised to ppl I truly trust ... wanna bet? bet on whether I can be tt strong again...?


I will! as promised!

xiaojing! be strong!





tml....tml...will be the day I will tell it , and it will change the future...

courage more! xiaojing!


I realise I love my family more now...! I have to love myself too! back back! gimme back my lovely and cheerful xiaojing!





Fcuk ... ...

thx PQ for accompany me for dinner! thx! really appreciate alot!

brought one volka...

den another bottle on the way home...

drink both quickly in few shots..

get drunk outside hse...

weak heart...

get 'attack' on the way

feel like dying...

parents nag...

I dun care...

no one cares...

alcohol is my medicine...

nostalgic...depressed...sad...unhappiness...

running out of tears...

I feel so helpless and pain...

no one can save me...

I wanna die...

life is so meaningless now...

feeling hangover now...

Fcuk...







dead...wish that I'm dead... I totally cant find back the pieces of fragments now ... end of this xiao jing... is the end of the game alright! Leave me alone for now ... I want to be alone! lemme drink until I got numb okay! I nt gonna care about anything anymore...

I am sick and tired of all this... i nid a break...I really hated myself... just kill me...I wanna end the pain I endure and the pain tt coz ppl ard me...end it pls...end it....


Leave me alone and let me die.





Todae was a emo dae for me... my team only left dorinda and me, so i join ron's team, in the end, ron and me are left in the team... yes... I felt that I'm on the edge of breaking down is a matter of sooner or later... I can go forward or backward...I will either way fall... is juz like mentally torturing me... and I'm very scared...very afraid...pieces of me is falling apart now... I dun wish to say more...

todae maths is damn easy and it end early, around 4pm gone to JE to pick up my laptop @ the woodlands MRT platform, got 1 uncle saying "hello~" to me...smiling and keep looking at my breast..FUCK..LJ..CB..I quickly walk to the crowded part of the platform...but I was really scared at tt point of time.On the way it rain very very very heavily...I was 80% drenched be4 I reach acer building...my jeans are totally drenched and it makes it more heavier and difficult for me to walk...and my slipper is very slippery...

From JE to acer building was a tough journey, I relied on my memory back at SAT to fnd the way...the pathway is all flooded, I'm like walking in the baby pool, both foot submerge in the water..I was freezing damn cold and refuse to take off my drenched jacket...it will make mi go 100% cold..cold wind blew, and I'm glad I got my mp4 around wif me, songs playing are all emo songs...WTH...While walking, in my mind, flashes some ppl...I hope the people whom my mind flashes is there...I never realised I'm crying after tt, coz my whole body is already wet, i dunnoe when I have started crying...I am so sad, so cold and helpless at the time being..

Reached the junction point of the road, when is time to cross the traffic, I notice one traffic light button is faulty so I decided to take the other traffic light..and when I was waiting, I realised it does not have a green or red man...but later I find that it is blocked by some obstacle..it rain so heavily as I cant get the clear view, plus there is no other pedestrain around, I already halfway there,I cant turn back,so I take a foolish act, I wait at the junction for 2 mins to observe the traffic pattern, on my first attempt, when I started to cross, vehicle starts moving...I nearly got knocked down by a fucking truck! On the second attempt...I wait longer...observe the traffic pattern abit more...so I juzt run across the road when I saw that vehicle from both side have stop...I tell myself, if it was a green man, I'm lucky, if it was a red man ... ...

Yes, I was lucky...I walk towards the acer building...I am already feeling very cold, I'm shivering...saw acer building finally but cant find the service centre...plus the rain still rain very heavily... when this time I got lost and confused, luckily a kind security help me by leading the way, he saw me totally drench and was kind enough to offered me a basement paasage to the service centre...when go in to the service centre, ppl there all stunned with the look at me...I feel that I'm a clown...so I quickly took my number to get my laptop...the person who served me is the same as last SAT...so when I sit down, tt uncle laugh very loudly wif his finger pointing at me....I was like....@@#$#$^**&@! but he say that I'm look better with the wet look....OMG...

after getting my laptop, I take the shuttle back to JE...thank god...but still I still very cold...I just feel like crying every now and den...reach cck saw a blind lady and help her to her bus makes my heart abit warmer, but thinking of todae's matters and wat I encounter, I feel like crying again...Now I still feeling cold and my forehead burning...I jus hope for a deadly fever to finish this pathetic xiaojing off... because I noe no one can save the pathetic ones...I deserve nothing...I'm bad...I'm a murderer...





Gone drinking wif edith,ronnie,farhana,faiz and dorinda @ esplanade...damn happy! yup..sorry for the ppl who are worried about me, sorry that I go out almost everydae and return home very late and drink almost once every week...sorry that my action have cause u troubled...


Thx guys for the advice and the accompany and be there when my world nearly cracked... I feel that what me is still me, I jus hope it can maintain at that acceptable level and not gone beyond it, guys, I wanna maintain but not to destroyed it... I nv realise the prob until u guys told me~ anyway wake me up abit!

About how to tackle for this prob is very tough but for now, let it go wif the flow, I'm sure there is reason behind this wrongdoings and I damn curious to noe it...the truth..becoz wat u guys perceive may not vary wif wat I perceive..DPDP! tt's y I juz say I feel very weird and not to the extreme, but i will keep tt in mind to protect myself! thx guys for ur concern about me! And for the time being, let us see how things work ya? I need some cool time be4 I can restart my thinking engine again...I really really very exhausted...

Bf call me after my drinking...well, we end up almost quarrelling again...I really cant be like my bf...becoz we of 2 different entity...wat wake up early, dun slp in class, study damn hard... I cant and I dun wanna do it... say me stubborn or wat...I juz cant be like my bf..I wan to be myself! And I wanna boldly add here is tt "BF IS DAMN NAGGY!"


PS: Thx ronnie to make tt VB codes...is very funny, and for these few daes... I really have not becoming myself, or may becoming moody or emo...pls have patience wif me ppl...i will appreciate tt! thx!! I realli nid some time to think!





Is another dae @ work... I feel very irritated by all customers todae...feel like scold F*** them all!!! anyway what ppl told me tt thing still gimme doubt... me so dumb.... sigh* nvm tml go drinking wif my bunch of crazy frenz! cant wait when thinking of drinking!

I have broke my laptop charger pin and have sent to repair, hopes it will be recover ASAP! Without laptop @ school is like forgetting to bring ur textbook to sch... so QUICK my xiao hei no.5 quickly recover!

I wanna go airport again..to the viewing hall...I missed there... dunoe why...I still wanna go, by not by bus pls...I rather take MRT den bus... nowadaes I feel that going out wif frenz is much more fun lor... =) I now really really like going out wif frenz now, especially the ones I call "crazy" de...! Okay tml UT.. nt gonna study as usual...plus think nid to wake up early to loan laptop or maybe not loaning...c can wake up ma....nowadaes I keep overslept...come very late to sch...SHIT....!

Joycelyn aka joyjoy/Chappy/jing

DDI, RP

13 july '89

eighteen +

baby vampire

money

shuai ge(s)

Happy, my dog

family & friends

tomato sauce

black, red

violin

milk tea, oolong tea

anime, comics

drawing, designing

Rainy nights

gaming, cosplay

Brana

Liqi jie

Rara

Karis jie

NICK

James^KOR

FisH

Golfers' Friend

Edith

Peiling

QianQi

Haziq

Farhana

JianHan

Ronnie

Joanne

Justin

Firmazsyahni

JiaWei

SaMy

Shermy

Pingy

Zack

Yuki Grace

Alison

Siti

Melissa

Ryan

June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008


If you NOT happy with my blog or got problem with me

Please GO away!!! I not here to entertain YOU! I can write what I want here

Because this is my own personal space...If you here to complaint? GO AWAY! & DUN EVER COME BACK AGAIN!!!