fucking emo
Monday, June 30, 2008 @ 6:48 AM
Today is a Fucking day, run to sch today kena 2 blister on both my foot, reach sch at 8:28am..FUCK...and turns out that the problem is juz writing fucking essay... yea..I abit emo today becoz of tt artist Franko B who mulitated himself, using his body as canvas and his blood as paint... I like his art work...but it juz constantly reminds mi of "tt"... yea..my mood was emo thru the end of the day...my emoness i wun show up, becoz i hate to show off ppl my emoness, no use...even I call "Joyce, Joy" tt doesn't mean I will be joyful always...
reach home around 8pm+ ...when wanna eat dinner...broke a cough syrup glass and a plate...kena scream by parents..my mood cant even improve....i have been so lazy...lazy to think, lazy to work...i used to like to analyze things...but..i really damn lazy... I juz wish tt I could slp and nv wake up again to this corrupted world...fuck...i really hate myself... tt's why Franko B's live performance, " Oh lover boy" captured my soul that much... even though i fucking emo..i still can smile...LOLX
hate
Sunday, June 29, 2008 @ 11:43 PM
sunday was boooring~thx to the organizer( no offense!) I was invited for a movie wif the boys, but in the end, group of 5 idiots end up walking around orchard =.= ... anyway, went to meet dad and mum at clementi to browse some of the furniture...
Have some fcuking arguements at home which damn irritating...i have change my mind...i dun really wan a psp for bdae...swt..
I am joining akido today wif allie and yuki..my target is to get a black belt in some martial arts, because I originally came from a family of martial arts, even my ancestors noes kungfu... I wan to become strong...
dunoe why...i now have a feeling that I hate myself more den anyone...i questioned about my existence...I really hate myself...hate to the core...I cant get wat I wan...hate it!
love it!
Saturday, June 28, 2008 @ 4:23 AM
Yesterdae's have been a wonderful night, gone drinking wif allie and ah pa at esplanade...my old drinking spot have taken over by the construction site, den allie suggested we go the roof top of the esplanade to drink, wonderful place it is..only the security guard come and shoo us if smoke...anyway, I enjoy's yesterdae drinking, brought 2 bottle of volka..and realise it is not enough for me...swt... after drinking one bottle feel very high...keep on teasing JP!!! HAHA the most fun part! anyway, me in return,kena tease by the "high allie"
I dun feel drunk at all, but I feel very hyper..allie become so hi tt she become so touchy! haha!
Today, I bring my dog, Happy de Gay to walk frm my hse to lot 1... his first walk...yet he is sooo lazy to walk but after tt, when walking back, he starts to obey my command. I told him, "any shuai ge walk pass, pounce on it and giv it a hug...dun let go until I get tt guy's phone number!" haha I think my command too long and it confused him, it doesn't work =(...hehe..HEY HEY..YOU GUYS(readers) I noe wat u thinking now..u are thinking "wat kind of owner is this?asking dog to obey weird command" I NOE IT! anyway, this my dog, I have my own way of teaching! Muahahahaha!
today..abit pissed off...Happy de Gay starts barking in the morning which disturb my peaceful sleep..I cant rmb wat I do to it to shut up...anyway..wake up around 1pm plus...eat..and take a nap again...and the fcuking part is tt I kena fall down in the toilet..my arms kena numb sia coz i use my arms to break my fall...so pain...grrr..aching now =.=
I seriously in need of money..i wanna get a part time job... but mum dun allow until we move to jurong..-.-..den she ask mi to get a part time job at JP better...swt...no money means die ar...i really need money now~Anybody wanna sell their body? I can help u guys sell though and earn the commission..hehe JK!
Coming Soon!
-getting my contact lens soon once I get myself some cash!
-getting red psp soon frm bros on my bdae (hopefully)
-getting a gd,loving bf!!! (hopefully)
-part time job @cafe!
rejected
Thursday, June 26, 2008 @ 6:31 AM
Finally is over~ I rejected tt guy today, he told mi he was too engross in the game, nv draw a line between reality and virtual, yea...is finally over.. though im a heart breaker... I dun deserve any man's love...im such a bad girl...im nt worth for anyone's love la! is over..is over!
im moving to jurong very soon, moving near july 5~10...soon..i need to wake up extra early...coz i be taking mrt frm boon lay to woodlands....and...WAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO WAKE UP TT EARLY...??!! frm cck to sch, i mostly late for half hour to 1 hour liaoz....jialat la...
things will start to change when something happens...it sucks...i missing something in life...i feel so emptiness..so hollow...wat is tt thing which i have missed out? will I get depression if i keep thinking of something which i hate? it pains me, but I have to smile, I smile because I want ppl around mi to smile too...tt's why I say I hate emo ppl, but me, myself i get emo too...contradicting isnt it?
I dun need any protection, I juz wan the kindness and happiness...I hate sadness..becoz of sadness have make me become a monster... i wan to be happy!
fcuked up
Tuesday, June 24, 2008 @ 10:28 PM
These are some of the outdated photos arh...gone to Cheeky Chocolate Cafe to eat these...mei ting's working place there~ yup saw her~ as cheerful as always... well chocolate there is damn damn nice...love it!
some random pic which i take be4 my nap..yea, my little piggy which i brought frm genting =)
today going out wif frenz to tt gigantic place vivo, well, i dunoe is my mood or wat i simply bo mood to go shopping...things are getting more and more out of hand...yesterdae he sms me be "frenz will be weird, so be as usual okay?><" WTF..be ur gf will be more fucking weird la..met mi for one day in real life expect mi be ur gf can go bang wall liaoz..I noe he will use some threats to threaten me, like "wat u say in the GAME, pls dun break ur promise"...fuck lor, if i dun break my promise, i already still in r/s wif my first ex la...guys which I admired seems much more better den him...gan kor say Im a heart breaker..well...i just dunoe why..guys I like seems far far away frm me, while guy which I dun like, keep coming for me..enough of this..I juz wan to live life as happy as possible, hopefully get a average bf and live with it..well, regular reader of my blog should know wat I expect frm a guy, because this is my blog, I daresay that guy, is way way below my average(15/100)..reasons? pls ask mi personally, I can even list down all his flaw on a paper=.= . I noe not all human beings are not born perfect, im not perfect either, but i crave for at least an average guy. Well, I wun love to have a guy which have the characteristics of my 2 rl kors..hehe..
Okay today going out wif frenz which will include tt guy, I will try to becareful..and my mindset will be "normal friends" wif him. Special thx to my gan kor kor mimi, yea, thx for ur words yesterdae, without ur advice, I will be emoing thru out..my mood still not improve yet since last night...and saw tt fucking sms..I just scared I lost control and beat him out...and plus someone have be ignoring me since dunoe when..si bei emo la...okay gtg...
confused
@ 12:41 AM
Feeling so complicated now... I think I should not have agreed to him earlier... virtual game is way too different from real life... yes, is so much better to draw a line between it. Lovey dovey in game, but in real life when I met him, it feel so much different, my feelings, or my intuition is telling mi that he and me should be only up to friends...because I did not draw a line earlier, that's why this problem arise... I confessed this is partially my fault..but..no feelings means no feeling...how am I going to face him? Even if me and him together, my family will surely oppose the idea because they HATE "???"...plus my bro told me, he dun regard "???" as frenz...and always insults them...wat should I do to tell him..my feelings are nt there? he juz sms me, telling me wat relationship me and him having met in real life... the first impression or first word popped into my minds is "friends"... "we are just friends"...
Game feeling and real life feeling is not the same at all...wat if I continue the r/s wif him..yet I dun love him at all just not to hurt him? isn't it hurting him even more? But I have no courage to tell him the truth... I have no feeling for him in real life... wat should I do?? help me pls!